Terms and Conditions 
aka Things my Lawyer Makes me Say

• Terms
Thank you for visiting BRAND GEEK®. By doing so, you agree to be bound by these Terms of Use (“Terms”), as well as all applicable laws and regulations, whether local to me (in Nevada or Colorado) or you, wherever you may be. It is your responsibility to know what these laws and regulations are, as if you didn’t have enough to do already. The materials on this site are protected under trademark and copyright law. I’m a trademark and copyright attorney. ‘Nuf said. If you don’t agree with these Terms, leave now and forever stay away. BRAND GEEK® is owned and operated by The Law Office of Lara Pearson Ltd, PBC.

• Disclaimer
The information and any goods provided on this site are provided “as is.” BRAND GEEK® makes no warranties about anything and disclaims any and all warranties that the law might make for it about anything. Take that, warranties!

• Linking to third party sites
BRAND GEEK® links other websites in practically every paragraph, sometimes multiple times. BRAND GEEK® makes no warranties about anything on any third party website and disclaims any and all warranties that the law may impute to it for linking to the websites of others. Click at your own risk! BRAND GEEK® does not share your information with other website owners or anyone else, subject to its Privacy Policy found a couple paragraphs down from here.

• I’m not your attorney (yet)
Visiting this website, writing or commenting on website posts or videos or otherwise communicating with me by any means does not make me your attorney. Only a mutual exchange for value under a written agreement between us makes me your attorney. Not that I wouldn’t love to become your attorney; if you’re working to make the world a better place, we should chat.

• Privacy Policy
Privacy is a big deal. It is one of the hallmarks of our democracy. Though privacy is important, BRAND GEEK® believes corporations should operate transparently, which is why we’re a public benefit corporation and a Certified B Corporation), but that’s not what this policy is about. This policy is about your privacy.
Brand Geek® honors the privacy of its readers and contributors. Should you share any of the following information with BRAND GEEK® it well be kept private unless you say otherwise, even if it is available elsewhere on the interweb, which it probably is:

Your name
Your enterprise
Your contact information
Your title at your enterprise
Your occupation
Your industry
Your natural hair color
Any other info you provide in order for BRAND GEEK® to provide you a service

BRAND GEEK® may automatically collect something called “domain and server information.” We can’t understand or explain how or when that happens, we just know Google Analytics likes it and we like Google Analytics, which provides us with generalizations about our visitors, which we then use to make your experience with BRAND GEEK® more useful and enjoyable. You may hide or mask this info if you don’t want it seen, but you need to know a good IT guy or at least know more about computers than me to do that.

BRAND GEEK® also may use “cookies “ – small files placed on your computer to identify and remember you, though not usually via your personal information unless you provided that information directly. Cookies are far less Orwellian than they sound, less so than the new U2 album that magically appeared in your iTunes last year. While you can turn off cookies in general, websites often don’t work right without their cookies; let’s face it, even our computers are addicted to sugar.
BRAND GEEK® never, ever, ever, no way, no how, will transfer any information you share with us to third parties . . . . UNLESS the courts or cops make us or we need to do so in order to provide you services or for personal or public safety reasons.

Not to be creepy, but BRAND GEEK® has nothing at all – zero, zip, nada — to do with children under 13 years of age. Children under 13 are not BRAND GEEK®’s target audience and BRAND GEEK® doesn’t market to children of any age. Speaking of children, BRAND GEEK® also doesn’t like childish adults, so if you are one please leave now.

• Shipping Policy
I promise not to ship you anything. I provide services.

• Return Policy
If you can figure out how to return my services within 10 calendar days of their delivery, I will refund 150% of my pricing for the services you return, no questions asked. Refunds will be made in the same manner payment was made (check or credit card).

• Changes to these Terms of Use
Things change. People change. Policies change. Change is the only constant. Accept it. This policy may change at any time and for any reason. If it does I will not be notifying you because I probably don’t even know who you are. If and when this policy changes, the new policy will be posted right here at the same place on the BRAND GEEK® website.

• Contact Me
If you have any questions about this policy, you have far too much time on your hands. Have you considered volunteering? If you absolutely cannot resist contacting me about this policy, you may reach me at Sevin Sevin Fyve – Ate Three Three – One Six Oh Oh. You can e-mail me at info[at]secur[dash]ip[dot]com.